my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
