I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
