Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
