he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
