A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
