Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
