She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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