You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
