Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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