Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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