You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
