Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
