hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
