worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
