if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize