just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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