who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
