I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Michael Bay diarrhea
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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