Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
