you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
