I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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