I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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