Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
