i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
