the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
