i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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