Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
4 words: hood of his car
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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