I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
