Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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