if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize