i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
