saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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