Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
