I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
