My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize