Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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