I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
