D3 body, D1 cock
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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