new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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