sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
