so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
