I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
