Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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