...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
