We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
