I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
