Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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