the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
