I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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