how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
