People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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