I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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