its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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