I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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