had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
