"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
