I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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