i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize