Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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