I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
