Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
