Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
