my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize