He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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