Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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