ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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