i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
