I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
