how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
