I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
