i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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