Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize